(Written in October, 2006)
a
acalculia – n: lack or loss of the ability to perform simple arithmetical tasks.
arrogate – v: to claim or seize as one’s right (something one is not entitled to.)
Azrael – n: the angel of death in Jewish and Islamic thought who watches over the dying and separates the soul from the body.
aesopian – adj: conveying an innocent meaning to an outsider but a concealed meaning to an informed member of a conspiracy or underground movement.
These are my a-words. I had the idea today (inspiration, maybe) to write small essays keying off new and interesting words – new to me, anyway - beginning with the letter a. I thought of beginning with z and working backward, but the left brain part of me cringed, so I had to begin where all logical people would begin - at the beginning. I’m sitting in the public library, in their ‘Quiet Area’ with comfortable chairs and couches, an unlit fireplace, mood-setting lamps, and am typing on my laptop. It is a dreary October day, raining in a way that is more felt than seen. It’s more a steady drip than rain. It’s cool, but not cold. No sun in sight and the sky an even, seamless gray. A good day to spend a couple of hours in a library.
I think I have too often failed to listen to the ideas (or inspirations or gifts or whatever) that come to me. I tuck them away for later analysis and they are quickly forgotten. Today, I will take this brain blossom and pluck it. I will see if it can live implanted on a computer screen.
At this library, there are only two dictionaries lying on the reference shelf – Webster’s and Random House. I chose Webster’s and flipped through the a’s , scanning and browsing. (Random House seemed too institutional while Webster’s seemed more personal since it’s the name of a man.) These are the ones that most quickly caught my attention. So now to choose only one… Lovely words, all! But, today, I think it will have to be arrogate. So, with this I will begin:
arrogate – v: to claim or seize as one’s right (something one is not entitled to.)
Arrogate is the active form of arrogance. One definition I’ve come across is simply to take. How do you, or I, or anyone arrogate? What does it look like, arrogating?
After thinking on it, there are two ways I arrogate: I take from God and I take from others. I arrogate when I take my life out of God’s hands (or try to, at least.) And I arrogate when I claim possessions that belong to another – whether material (house, job, car) or emotional (attention, affection, or even love.) I’m sure there are a multitude of other possibilities, but these two are obvious areas of arrogation in my life tonight.
First, there is taking from God. I take from God when I fail to trust Him, and that failure is most clearly displayed when I pretend to be God. And it is only a pretending – like little girls dressing up in mama’s clothes, high heels flapping, dress straps slipping, pantyhose drooping. Nothing fits, but boy, is it fun! I know, as we all do deep in our souls, I can never be God. But, sometimes living in a pretend world is less scary than acknowledging that Someone bigger, more powerful than me is in control of every tiny bit of my life. And following right behind that admission is that I don’t always like what this bigger Someone does with my life! It is easier to just make-believe that I can indeed come up with all the answers. This is when I confidently march along keeping beat with my own drum (with those ridiculously too large high heels flapping!) In that way I arrogate…I seize control of my life from God. I wrest it from His hands and many times He allows me to win this tug-of-war…just to make the point that I can’t do a decent job of it after all. I’m only playing dress-up. He’s the real deal. He waits for me to return what is rightfully His: my soul, my heart, my mind, my strength. And then, slipping off the big-girl heels, I march barefoot upon the holy ground of His presence.
I arrogate and claim what rightfully belongs to others when I think I deserve what they have. This is where jealousy raises its nasty little head, sinking claws deeply into my flesh, finding those most tender, juicy spots. Now, typically, this type of arrogating isn’t played out by my actually going out and stealing someone’s car, furniture, friends, or husband! But, instead, it manifests itself as I allow a pervasive attitude of covetousness to blanket my life. I want a house like my sister’s full of Ethan Allen furniture that makes mine look, well, let’s just say it, shabby, in comparison. I want those friendships that appear deeper and more fun than those I have. I want that husband, even, who seems to understand me much better than my own. Usually, I arrogate in this way in my mind and heart, and there is great damage and danger there. But, it can easily move from the realm of thoughts to actions as I allow it to simmer slowly in my soul. At best, I might find myself subtly interfering with friendships that I wish were mine or going on spending sprees I can’t afford. Worse, I could wake up one day in an affair with another woman’s husband. It happens. Arrogating takes me down a perilous path.
The opposite of arrogate is to give or hand over. Daily I must give or hand over to God the reigns of my life. It has to be a minute-by-minute, breath-by-breath giving for me. Right now I say “I surrender” in our long tug-of-war. Right now I pour out those jealous thoughts before God’s altar. These two offerings are made with uplifted hands, and I will have to do it again tomorrow…Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it!
acalculia – n: lack or loss of the ability to perform simple arithmetical tasks.
arrogate – v: to claim or seize as one’s right (something one is not entitled to.)
Azrael – n: the angel of death in Jewish and Islamic thought who watches over the dying and separates the soul from the body.
aesopian – adj: conveying an innocent meaning to an outsider but a concealed meaning to an informed member of a conspiracy or underground movement.
These are my a-words. I had the idea today (inspiration, maybe) to write small essays keying off new and interesting words – new to me, anyway - beginning with the letter a. I thought of beginning with z and working backward, but the left brain part of me cringed, so I had to begin where all logical people would begin - at the beginning. I’m sitting in the public library, in their ‘Quiet Area’ with comfortable chairs and couches, an unlit fireplace, mood-setting lamps, and am typing on my laptop. It is a dreary October day, raining in a way that is more felt than seen. It’s more a steady drip than rain. It’s cool, but not cold. No sun in sight and the sky an even, seamless gray. A good day to spend a couple of hours in a library.
I think I have too often failed to listen to the ideas (or inspirations or gifts or whatever) that come to me. I tuck them away for later analysis and they are quickly forgotten. Today, I will take this brain blossom and pluck it. I will see if it can live implanted on a computer screen.
At this library, there are only two dictionaries lying on the reference shelf – Webster’s and Random House. I chose Webster’s and flipped through the a’s , scanning and browsing. (Random House seemed too institutional while Webster’s seemed more personal since it’s the name of a man.) These are the ones that most quickly caught my attention. So now to choose only one… Lovely words, all! But, today, I think it will have to be arrogate. So, with this I will begin:
arrogate – v: to claim or seize as one’s right (something one is not entitled to.)
Arrogate is the active form of arrogance. One definition I’ve come across is simply to take. How do you, or I, or anyone arrogate? What does it look like, arrogating?
After thinking on it, there are two ways I arrogate: I take from God and I take from others. I arrogate when I take my life out of God’s hands (or try to, at least.) And I arrogate when I claim possessions that belong to another – whether material (house, job, car) or emotional (attention, affection, or even love.) I’m sure there are a multitude of other possibilities, but these two are obvious areas of arrogation in my life tonight.
First, there is taking from God. I take from God when I fail to trust Him, and that failure is most clearly displayed when I pretend to be God. And it is only a pretending – like little girls dressing up in mama’s clothes, high heels flapping, dress straps slipping, pantyhose drooping. Nothing fits, but boy, is it fun! I know, as we all do deep in our souls, I can never be God. But, sometimes living in a pretend world is less scary than acknowledging that Someone bigger, more powerful than me is in control of every tiny bit of my life. And following right behind that admission is that I don’t always like what this bigger Someone does with my life! It is easier to just make-believe that I can indeed come up with all the answers. This is when I confidently march along keeping beat with my own drum (with those ridiculously too large high heels flapping!) In that way I arrogate…I seize control of my life from God. I wrest it from His hands and many times He allows me to win this tug-of-war…just to make the point that I can’t do a decent job of it after all. I’m only playing dress-up. He’s the real deal. He waits for me to return what is rightfully His: my soul, my heart, my mind, my strength. And then, slipping off the big-girl heels, I march barefoot upon the holy ground of His presence.
I arrogate and claim what rightfully belongs to others when I think I deserve what they have. This is where jealousy raises its nasty little head, sinking claws deeply into my flesh, finding those most tender, juicy spots. Now, typically, this type of arrogating isn’t played out by my actually going out and stealing someone’s car, furniture, friends, or husband! But, instead, it manifests itself as I allow a pervasive attitude of covetousness to blanket my life. I want a house like my sister’s full of Ethan Allen furniture that makes mine look, well, let’s just say it, shabby, in comparison. I want those friendships that appear deeper and more fun than those I have. I want that husband, even, who seems to understand me much better than my own. Usually, I arrogate in this way in my mind and heart, and there is great damage and danger there. But, it can easily move from the realm of thoughts to actions as I allow it to simmer slowly in my soul. At best, I might find myself subtly interfering with friendships that I wish were mine or going on spending sprees I can’t afford. Worse, I could wake up one day in an affair with another woman’s husband. It happens. Arrogating takes me down a perilous path.
The opposite of arrogate is to give or hand over. Daily I must give or hand over to God the reigns of my life. It has to be a minute-by-minute, breath-by-breath giving for me. Right now I say “I surrender” in our long tug-of-war. Right now I pour out those jealous thoughts before God’s altar. These two offerings are made with uplifted hands, and I will have to do it again tomorrow…Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it!
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